Hungry...

I've been very hungry lately. I find this thoroughly depressing. Not sure if I'm hungry because of the time of the month, because of exercise, because of a mistake in estimating portion size - or some combination of the above. The simple answer is to eat more, but I'm highly motivated not to gain back what I've lost. Or to lose what I've gained, metaphorically speaking.

At any rate when my hunger is in check I don't mind any of the 'sacrifices': paying careful to what I'm eating, not eating sweets, stopping before I'm really full, exercising when I'm tired, waiting a few minutes or an hour to eat until it's a proper meal time, etc. But there are days when I feel like I'm playing little tricks, unsuccessfully at that, to stave off hunger for most of the day. I have been trying to respond to my body by simply eating more, but for me it's a slippery slope between adding a needed snack in here and there and snacking all day long. I realize this sounds a little neurotic, kind of embarrassing even, but only a few of you read this and you're all my closest friends! So I try to eat more lean protein (chicken, hard boiled egg whites) if I really need it. But there is something kind of upsetting about working so hard and attaining a huge goal (almost 40 lbs down and usually a size 6) based on a very particular caloric intake, and to then feel like that intake is not enough. It can seem like giving in will mean in a few days all my clothes will be tight again.

I'm going to chalk this all up to my period (usually the hunger comes with the PMS not the actual period like it did this time) and move on.

This post is pretty embarrassing. I would like to be much more relaxed about what I eat. However, first of all, based on the research I've done, I think most thin people do spend a lot of time paying attention to their food intake, and second, I know I can sound pretty Pollyanna-ish about all this stuff when it's going well, so I felt it was only honest to admit the bad thoughts too.

To top off the hunger problems - today I went jogging, as normal, and really almost died. It was so humid I thought I'd pass out. I was trying to run and not walk so that I could get home on time for Dave to leave for work, but couldn't even do that. He was furious! (Later this morning I also managed to get baby spit-up and coffee on my work shirt before even getting in the car, and then I RAN OVER MY LUNCH!!! - don't ask, details not interesting) So let's just say it was a bad morning.

But back to morning run. So while I was enduring a minor heat stroke, I was hit with the realization that I need to find an indoor sport that is as calorie-burning as running on a trail. Not an easy thing for me to do and this was also causing me angst. I have no motivation on indoor machines - I need to be actually going someplace. Perhaps I'll go back to the stairs and hope that the air conditioning the staircase gets better and that I can somehow make myself do it for 30 minutes.

OK must go volunteer at school...enough whining!