Time away

Carmel and Big Sur

What is there to say about a weekend away in Carmel, alone with one's husband of 10 years? Just too fabulous to put into words. Photos are here, which will account for many thousands of words.

I could go on about any number of topics related to my trip, such as being alone with my husband, life goals and choices, natural beauty, seeing old friends, but I'll stick to topics pertinent to this blog.

The trip was well timed, although completely unplanned on my part - it was for a wedding. But it was a special treat to have taken this trip post-body transformation. I think I was more relaxed and able to enjoy myself than I would have been if I was still losing or God forbid before I started this. This trip was a true celebration of 10 years of marriage, and for me also, of the last 9 months of work. Our actual 10 yr anniversary was in June but we waited to celebrate until this trip.

We only had two days to sight see, attend wedding activities and have fun. In addition to meandering around Carmel and driving to Big Sur we also went running on the beach, sloshing through waves and hopping over massive sea weed mounds, and just enjoying doing something active and outside together. I love climbing on rocks and found it noticeably easier with my strengthened quads to scamper up the jagged coastal formations. Dave and I even went shopping in a store so fancy that we received a thank you note in the mail today. Apparently they want us to enjoy our new shirt and dress. I don't think we've ever spent

so much time in a store like that...me trying on tons of dresses and skirts, and him waiting and watching and picking out a shirt of his own. We really were acting like different people.

I did alright guessing at appropriate portion sizes when served soccer ball-sized salads full of cheese and nuts. It's kind of hard to know when to stop in those circumstances. And while I tried to make mostly good choices, I also ordered morning glory loaf (carrot cake sans cream cheese frosting) with my coffee, knowing it was ok to do on vacation, but not fretting that I would drop my guard and suddenly order a huge loaf of cake every time I stepped into a Starbucks.

Like my dad before me I am always the photographer and rarely photographed. This is partly because I don't trust anyone else to take a good photo and recently was sort of due to not liking how I looked. This time however I went wild with the auto timer and let myself be in plenty of photographs (those rock formations come in quite handy for the auto timer), not exactly thrilled with the budding wrinkles, but certainly not concerned that I looked fat compared to my in-shape husband or the other women around. The California wedding guests really did live up to their in-shape reputation, and it was really fun to watch everyone head down to the beach barefoot in their fancy dresses. Dolphins even swam by just before the ceremony!

We really wished that we had one more day of vacation, so that the travel time to vacation time was not 50/50, but our Fall is quite complicated so it was not to be. Next time!

Favorite cookies...

I know I blather on all the time about how bad sugar is, but let's face it, we all need some sometimes.

For the first few weeks of my diet I banned sugar altogether, as part of a cleansing away bad habits/retraining my brain project, but now I have sweets in moderation. I have developed a habit of eating 2-3 small cookies after dinner. This serves two purposes:

1. I have a small dinner, and it is easy for me to keep eating, especially as I'm in the kitchen cleaning up, making lunches, putting leftovers away. It's so easy to pick and have a second dinner. So it is my Pavlovian cue that eating is over. It usually works, but not always. I used to force myself to wait until I was done cleaning the kitchen - kind of a reward, but I've given up on that!
2. I want something sweet after dinner. Don't we all?

Here are my two favorites, both from Trader Joe's...I try to have only 60 calories worth. They're uber-sweet so it's not

that hard. I definitely stay under 100.

The Righteous Rounds (26 cal each) are a little bigger, have a weird taste, due to having vegetables in them, and are super, lip-puckeringly sweet. For some reason I'm addicted to them, despite their odd taste, as is Alex. I try to eat only 2-3. I eat enough vegetables that I don't need to hide them in cookies, but I like these anyway.

The whole gain chocolate chip cookies (16 cal each) are new from TJs, normal-tasting cookies, lots of normal pantry ingredients (brown sugar, whole wheat, butter, chips, walnut meal) also a ton of sugar and extra fiber (chicory root). I just like them. I do not eat cookies to get my fiber intake, but I do like that they are made as healthy as possible while still being tasty. I mean, why not make cookies with whole grain flour? I eat 3 of these. Natasha prefers this kind.

I also sometimes have 5 or so of the kids' gummy bear vitamins instead.

I have gotten pretty good at controlling myself, but it is easy to go overboard. I don't usually eat say 10 cookies, but I may have some cookies, a few handfuls of sweetened cereal, and then a few gummy bears. Still, not like a hot fudge sundae, but it is amazing how quickly a "good" habit can turn into a bad one.

For what it's worth...

To those of you think I don't struggle any more, last week was really hard. I was starving all week - a full 7 days. I are extra to compensate but I could easily have eaten twice the normal amount I eat, no problem. It was PMS but I just don't like how my hunger is so consistent day to day and then inconsistent week to week. Even in maintenance mode, I shouldn't be eating 2500 calories, but I easily could have done that last week. By the end of the week I was on vacation and eating pretty much what I wanted so I didn't notice and then today finally, I feel back to normal. Very frustrating!

Bean soup

My soup recipes are very filling and keep for days. My French Women Don't Get Fat Lady has a whole thing about soups as being necessary for maintaining a healthy weight. Kind of annoying but true. I used to make soups a lot but went through a soup-making hiatus after a very bad pregnancy experience that involved smelling turkey stock all day. It put me off that stocky smell for years. I'm over it now.

So any soup is delicious with a solid stock to start with. This is non-negotiable. If you have a Jewish mother (and maybe if you don't) you already know this!

It is possible to buy homemade stocks from fancy grocery stores, if you don't want to take the time or mess to make stock. If you include the stock-making, bean soaking aspects of soup-making, they can be daunting. But you get used to them and can get in a groove and it's not that bad. This is where weekend cooking, or planning is helpful. There is no shame in purchasing home made stock. It's still cheaper than buying lunch out. Also after the soup is made you can refrigerate it for days or freeze it in small portions and then you have a delicious dinner or lunch in just a few minutes in the microwave. I like to freeze it in ceramic containers, and then take it out and let it defrost in the fridge, when I notice the fridge is looking empty.

I used to make stock with a whole chicken, but got tired of picking out the meat, so now I make stocks with leftover or purchased bones and make soups without the actual chicken meat sometimes. Sometimes I do it the right way, burning my fingers, pulling off the meat, but it's pretty time-consuming and messy. I eat a lot of chicken on salads and grilled, etc. so I don't mind making soups with meat or chicken stock but vegetarian ingredients otherwise.

Bean soup

-1 package "17 bean soup" or whatever it's called - just a big bag of mixed beans.

-1 batch home made chicken stock, salted to taste. big pot-full (store bought will taste very mediocre)

-celery, carrots, onion chopped, about 2-3 cups worth

-1 can diced tomatoes

-huge bunch chard (either big bag of pre-washed and chopped, or farmer's market dirty variety. doesn't matter)

-1/2 can tomato paste (optional, depending on how tomato-y you like your soup)

-2 bay leaves

(Here is how I do it...make sure chicken stock is on hand. Or make batch on weekend.)

Soak beans overnight. discard water, rinse.

Simmer beans, bay leaf in stock for 40 min or so. When beans feel about half done add all other ingredients and simmer for another 25-30 min.

Pick out bay leaves. Enjoy.

Cabbage soup

This was an adapted form of a soup my mom made when I was little. Super filling and nutritious.

-1 head green cabbage

-3 celery stalks

-1 small onion

-3 small carrots or 2 large

-2 big cans chopped tomatoes

-1 small can tomato paste (you can use just 1/2 a can)

-2 boxes Trader Joe's beef stock (the only brand I like)

-1 package oxtails or other stock-making bones

-2-3 bayleaves

-salt and pepper to taste

optional

To make it heartier, and far more caloric, you can add stew meat to the oxtails. So brown oxtails and stew meat, and then put stew meat in at start of process. I've done it both ways, but realized it was hearty and meaty enough without the actual meat.

1. brown oxtails
2. while oxtails are browning chop up all veggies, cabbage can be in big 1 inch chunks but carrot, celery and onion should be smaller.
3. drain off most of fat, saute onion, carrot, celery in small amount of oxtail fat. (very bad I know)
4. put bayleaves, browned oxtail, canned stuff, stock in pot. bring to boil, turn down heat, let simmer for about 30 min.
5. put in cabbage and browned veggies, let simmer another 20-30 min, until soup looks done and cabbage is really tender.
6. add salt as needed, but there is a lot in the broth already so be conservative. Add pepper if you like it.

that's it! pull out oxtails and bayleaves.

• This is a GREAT soup to make a huge batch of and freeze.
• I put it in a plastic thermos for work and eat BEFORE lunch, then have a smaller lunch, like 1/2 sandwich. It's a very low-cal and filling soup. Also good for an afternoon snack. Will really keep you until dinner.
• Great with a crusty bread.
• Note that it really only needs half a can of tomato paste but since I always end up throwing away the other half of moldy tomato paste a few weeks later I just started putting in the whole thing. It makes it very tomato-y though.
• The traditional recipe has vinegar and sugar in it but I stopped adding both of them after I forgot one time and still liked it.

Recipes - healthy pizza

While my self-indulgent musings on all topics related to weight, fitness, cooking, feeding a family, body image, food shopping, clothes shopping etc. are fun for me, some people have expressed an interest in something that is actually useful to them, like recipes. God forbid. I do think I've offered general food ideas - swapping out non-fat Greek yogurt for sour cream in salad dressing for example, or some bulk cooking tactics, but I don't usually post actual recipes.

I have reiterated many times that I do not use recipes, but I will try and distill some for the purposes of this blog.

This is something my family loves. Not particularly dietetic but I try and have just one reasonably-sized piece.

Healthy pizza

- quick and easy weeknight meal - not necessarily low-cal, but very healthy

-one bag Trader Joe's or other brand 100% whole wheat pizza dough (I should add that this is no longer enough to feed my family and it barely feeds my husband and kids even when I have one small piece.

-shredded cheese (now this is where I use 4 cheese Italian blend from TJs, and NOT low-fat as I hate it and rarely eat cheese in large portions. However if you like low-fat cheese then by all means use it.

-one tub Trader Joe's pizza sauce (probably has a lot of sugar. I'm not looking)

-toppings (chopped veggies, ground beef or turkey, chicken sausage)

Ok, so follow directions on bag of dough. Use most of tub of sauce, use cheese probably more sparingly than I did. I have lately been adding meat to our pizzas. I know this is horribly caloric, but I limit myself to one piece and either a very large green salad or bowl of soup eaten before the pizza.

I like to have ground beef, ground turkey, sauteed chicken sausage slices either leftover in the fridge or in the freezer. Makes a huge difference in week night dinner food prep! And frankly you can't fit that much meat on one slice. I haven't been using too many veggies on the pizza because they make it soggy sometimes, the kids don't like them, and Dave and I eat tons of veggies already. But those are kind of silly reasons. At any rate, don't get sucked into the idea that if you make a veggie pizza you can have 3 slices. Not true!

And I know this doesn't list calories, amounts of slice sizes, but it's the best I can do. I cut the whole pizza into about 8 slices, I have 1 (2 would be preferable for me), Dave has 3 and each kid has 2. So I can work on figuring out the calories next time I make it. I'm guessing 6 (5-7) points for pizza with reasonable amount of cheese and low-fat meat. Or something like 350 calories.

Now this is a hard thing to eat just one slice of...I mainly succeed because I need to leave the rest for my family members or I'll have to make them more food. But it's a yummy treat! Kids can help make too of course.

Soccer snacks

Perhaps I'm a curmudgeon. This past weekend we started our foray into organized sports. All in all, it was really fun. Dave is assistant coach for Natasha's 1st grade girls team and since we were too wimpy to manage two soccer schedules in addition to karate, tennis and art, Alex is not playing on his own team and instead is assistant assistant coach. It's pretty adorable - except for the sibling rivalry part when Natasha pushed Alex to the ground during a game of stuck in the mud.

At any rate, Natasha did well, actually running, trying and even scoring a goal. She has a tendency, like her mother, to be a bit lazy. Unlike her mother she has her father's competitive streak, so I guess that combats the laziness a bit, and did in fact, propel her to try on the field.

So after the triumphant first game, it was lunchtime. I had packed a cooler with relatively healthy snacks, including peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on whole wheat bread, trail mix, yogurt, pita chips. Nothing super healthy, God forbid, like a carrot, but I hadn't gone shopping yet.

Alex found time to eat a yogurt and sandwich during the game. After the game, an incredibly thoughtful, generous parent put out a few bags of snacks. He had bought enough for the whole team, which I thought was beyond sweet. The snacks were Oreos, Goldfish and Capri Sun fruit punch. I implored Natasha to eat only one so there would be enough for everyone but then the parent kind of sheepishly said, "We bought enough for each girl to have one of each - if you want." He wasn't chastising me, just explaining that there were indeed enough packets.

So rather than stage a pitched battle with my daughter in front of all the parents I had never met, I let her have one of each, but wouldn't let her drink the Capri Sun. I'm sure it was something like 600 calories of crap (a kid that age needs about 1300/day) and of course she didn't eat lunch.

I was so irritated. Not with the man, he was just being nice. But partly with my giving in to let her have both, and before lunch no less, and partly with the whole culture. Why does every kid event have to involve the expectation that 30 grams of sugar will be ingested? I was clearly the only parent concerned about this and someone even said something like, "They just ran around, they're enjoying it, relax" but in a much nicer way.

I think my problem is as follows:

• Natasha has no self-control where junk food is involved and I want her to gain some.
• She doesn't get much exercise when she's not swimming so she can't eat tons of junk food.
• She has my butt and thighs!
• I don't want to set expectations that every outburst of energy is rewarded with Oreos, as if the children will perish of malnutrition if not immediately replenished with a sugar- binge.
• I should have just put my foot down and let her meltdown in front of everyone. Well - maybe not. There is a time and place for everything.

And most importantly,

• By the time she's a teenager I want her to have developed an innate sense of healthy eating. She should know intuitively what is appropriate in terms of content and portion.

This is a bit of a pipe dream, I know. But it is a fantasy goal of mine.

I remember being a skating rink once, and I saw a Korean-American family enjoying a snack of dried fruit. The kids were chewing happily on their fiber-rich snack. No one whined about wanting Pirate's Booty. I couldn't imaging being in that place. The kids are too exposed to junk food too often. This is where my beef is with the culture as a whole. We all knew a kid growing up who wasn't allowed to watch tv and then went on play dates and sat mesmerized in front of the television the whole time at other kids' houses, as if they were in a trance, completely unable to play or do anything else. My kids will certainly not be those kids. They eat plenty of junk food and watch plenty of tv. But I just wish the sugar/fat/white bread/pizza cabal weren't so dominant.

We'll see what happens next Saturday. Certainly lunch will be eaten first.