Old jeans tossed

I have a pair of jeans that are so worn and horrible looking, but for a long time they were the only jeans that fit, so I kept them. The jeans I bought to replace them have been too tight since August. The older jeans, which are BR and have some stretch in them, are just so soft and worn, and now that they're not tight they're really comfy. The new jeans are from Gap, no stretch and are just now comfortable enough to wear without getting a stomach ache (personally I think BR is cut bigger than Gap). Why not keep both? Well the BR pair has two holes along the inner thighs, where my thighs rub together. This is an embarrassing admission in and of itself, made slightly less embarrassing by the fact that in college I overheard two anorexic girls talking about how when their thighs rub together they stop eating. I was so horrified by how proud they were about this that I felt much more smug in the notion that my thighs would never in a million years NOT rub together.  

But I digress. My point is that in January my "comfy" BR jeans had become so tight and uncomfortable that they in fact were the main impetus for starting my diet. I had already bought one of those cheese 1970's denim patches to cover the holes, as they were my only weekend pants that even remotely fit. Then to be wearing patched jeans that DON'T fit was just unbearable. Of course I could have bought bigger jeans, but going up a size is just so terrible for so many reasons. Now I can throw them out. I have in fact put them next to the trash can in my bedroom. Tuesday when the garbage comes they will be in the can. One success! 

The jean toss is quite optimistic as if I gain even one ounce my Gap jeans will be tight. I think I may buy new BR jeans with some stretch, but in my traditional size - basically replace the ones I threw out. An extremely optimistic person would wait to see if I could get a size smaller, but I'm not that confident in my dieting abilities. I think, knowing my body, that unless I start working out an hour a day I will soon hit a plateau that I probably won't be willing to cross. I'm down at 21 points, and I can't see eating much less than that. So wherever this takes me is probably where I will stay. And when I get there, I will keep the goal of eating 20-23 points for eternity. If I go to 25-27 points I will just go back up, I'm sure. This is where I should probably consult a real WW guide...but I'll cross that bridge if and when I lose another 15 lbs.

food log - kind of strange today

breakfast

coffee-milk 1.5 pts

1/2 whole wheat bagel

brown rice salmon avocado roll from Whole Foods (I was so happy to find it!)

lunch

salad with 3oz sliced turkey, dressing 4 points

dinner

chicken soup, carefully measured, 1/2 cup lima beans, 1/2 cup white chicken

small but i used my points at breakfast!

picked at various chip-type objects 1.5 points

dessert

1/4 cup Oreo yogurt (all that was left)

exercise

very pathetic aerobics in bedroom - really not into it today

This was optimistically posted at 7:43 - may have another 1pt snack

I think I ate too much...

I ate 1.5 cups of bean stew and I'm stuffed. I haven't felt this full in so long. Not the greatest feeling, but at least hopefully I won't go to bed starving. Weight Watchers really likes beans. They are the most filling-least point food out there. Good thing I like them - and they're cheap! I just made baby lima beans which I find so creamy I think I will try making tomato soup with added pureed beans instead of cream. I'll keep everyone posted!

food log

breakfast

1 egg plus 1 eggwhite on high-fiber bread 3pts

coffee plus milk (lots) 1.5 pts

lunch

salad with 1/4 cup hummus, 1/2 tbs low-fat vinagrette 2pts

1 slice high-fiber bread with 3oz turkey 4 pts

snack

0% fat Greek yogurt with 1/2 cup blackberries and Equal 2.5 pts

dinner

 1.5 cups mushroom, onion, bean and pancetta stew 4pts - really not sure, but had a bite or so of briskett while cooking

banana 2pts

dessert

1/2 cup dry Kashi Mighty Bites (I needed something sweet) 1pt

exercise

770 steps at a slow pace

60 crunches

Why is estimating so hard??

Maybe I should go back to measuring - or at least some sense of consciousness while cooking. I was cooking while on the phone and chatting with Alex so I was very distracted. I reverted to my old habits and just kept throwing olive oil in the pan without much thought. Now this isn't SO bad, and I certainly didn't drown anything like a chef at a restaurant would, but I certainly could have reduced the amount of oil by half had I been paying more attention.

Dinner was YUMMY. My new favorite vegetable is oven-roasted green beans with a little olive oil and salt. A little oil really does go a long way. The kids even happily eat these and Dave LOVES them. So my one mistake was that when I realized how greasy the food was I cut out the carb side dish (I didn't like it anyway - pre-made ravioli) and ended up really hungry later. I actually wasn't so much hungry as I was having massive hot fudge sundae cravings. I did a lot of lying in bed feeling deprived, which is not a good way to feel for long-term success. I need an emergency craving food in the house, like No-Pudge Fudge brownies or something. So I thought I was just reaching some craving low-point, but then when I woke up starving I realized I just didn't eat enough. It's hard to estimate how much olive oil I've eaten, when it's spread across so many servings and I don't measure it before it goes in the pan in the first place. I also didn't exercise because work was so busy and I had to leave early - then I spent all afternoon letting Alex eat chocolate bagels and play with my iphone while I blabbered to my girlfriends in far-off places. I need my girls!

food log

breakfast

coffee plus 1% milk

low-cal bread with 1tsp peanut butter

lunch

salad w/ 1tbs dressing

lean turkey sandwich on low cal bread

dinner

chicken with miropoix veggie saute

oven-roasted green beans with OO

dessert (immediately upon finishing dinner)

homemade Oreo-flavored yogurt - only 1pt

exercise

NONE!!!

Stress and guessing

I re-learned several lessons yesterday:
1. putting off grocery shopping leads to bad food choices
2. sometimes a lady needs some sushi
3. low-fat cheese is usually not worth the points (except feta)
4. regular cheese, nuts and dried fruit are points killers and still hard for me to give up
5. I am incapable of following recipes to a T and having an exact point count
6. I need to become a more aggressive exerciser
7. I don't eat/not eat due to stress (this is good!)
8. It is important for me to airm to enjoy my meals, and not only reach for highly-filling, low-points foods.
9. I can't concentrate at work when my kids are sick
10. I can't concentrate at work when my house is falling apart - this week I have both!

My morning started with my daughter complaining of blurry vision, and after telling her she'd be fine, and sending her to school, I was quickly called by the school because she threw up twice. I practically had a heart attack and took her to the doctor who was unfazed, until I told him my family history. At that point he suggested neuological screening. Oy.

After work, where I was barely focusing, completely behind, and almost yelled at the entire department about the smellyness of the fridge, I took N to the doctor (see above) then came home and realized I had to go grocery shopping RIGHT THAT SECOND. I also could not for the life of me figure out how to make my iphone ring (don't ask, it's too embarassing) and decided to hop over to the Apple store before TJs. While in lovely downtown Bethesda, I decided to ignore the 3 sick people home waiting for dinner, and to treat myself to sushi alone, in my sweat pants, at my favorite sushi place. I sat at the bar and thinking of points, ordered a Diet Coke instead of something more relaxing, and ordered a moderate amount of non-fried sushi. I was so happy. I think I reached 9 points or maybe 8. Whatever. Then I went to the store, and when Dave called at 6:45 before he said a word I said, "heat up some nuggets for the kids" (a habit I'm desperately trying to break). I came home with groceries, but at 7:30 there was no dinner for sick hubby who spent all day with the kids, washed dishes by hand and unpacked the groceries. When he inquired about dinner I practically bit his head off. I'm so mean. I just was all done. We have plenty of things in packages that just need microwaving so that's what he had. Tonight I'll be a better wife!


food log
breakfast
WW bread with low-fat Swiss (feels like chewing rubber) and prosciutto 4-5 pts

lunch
oatmeal, yogurt, carrots, various other remnants from my fridge 6pts

snack
fruit and fiber fruit snack - I know WW doesn't like dried fruit but ate small amount 1pt

dinner
miso soup 2 pieces salmon sushi small mixed fish maki 8-9 pts?

exercise
25 min aerobics while watching tv -2pts really my exercise is kind of half an effort, but better than nothing I suppose

I think I was at 23 points...which is ok with exercise

Weight Watchers Nation

It has recently come to my attention that practically everyone I know has done Weight Watchers at some point. Mention "Points" and people immediately know what you mean. This is kind of reassuring. It seems like a secret underground society that more and more people belong to. When I tell people "I'm doing Weight Watchers." it's like I'm revealing a secret tattoo on my shoulder only to find my friend has the same one. I've seen no less than 3 Facebook posts about WW lately. The camaraderie is nice, I must say, even though I'd prefer to be in the "I'm a hardcore athlete who stays naturally thin due to my extreme exercise habits" group of women. Oh well.

Last night I was at a friend's house for dinner, and as she started to serve me some sauteed chicken sausage with peppers she asked me how much I wanted. I answered in a kind of exasperated voice, "I don't know, 7 points worth." And the funny thing is that she then edited what she had put in the bowl to what she intuitively guessed would be 7 points worth - I agreed with her estimate and ate it, pretty happily. It was so comforting for her to understand my frustration (what is 7 pts??) and solve my problem. I humbly (and hungrily) sat down to eat while she called the kids in. Since she's 34 weeks pregnant I probably should have helped her first, but I was too hungry!! At first I was kind of depressed at eating such a small portion, but by the time I got home I was happily full so I really had nothing to complain about.

The funny thing is that this person has been kind of a hard-core Atkins type as long as I've known her (actually she's been pregnant most of the time I've known her but that's another story). We discussed the differences, and the differences in our personalities. She REALLY likes rules and structure, but doesn't like denying herself things so with WW she said she tends to eat M&Ms, use up all her points and then eat popcorn all night long because she has no points left for anything substantial. So she ends up feeling gross and unhealthy. But with Atkins she just knows sugar and carbs are off-limits, shuts them out of her brain (like I said she likes rules) and ends up eating a broader variety of foods.

I, on the other hand, don't like rules at all, and also don't like denying myself things (who does?) so I need the flexibility of WW. Even living within the constraints of WW points is challenging for me, but it's working so I comply.

What I fail to understand however, is why people go on and off of Weight Watchers. I can't see adding more points to what I'm eating now. I'll just gain weight. I'm eating an amount that is relatively satisfying, and if I eat what I really want, I'll just end up huge. Maybe I'll add a point or so, but I can't see changing things too much. Perhaps someone can explain this to me.

Food log, I'm at 21 points now

breakfast

egg frittata with tinly bit low-fat feta, 3 pts

whole wheat bun 2pts

coffee with milk 1pt

lunch

chicken cubes 2pts (3pts?)

cottage cheese, veggies 1pt

oatmeal with water 2pts

(I really must go to the grocery store)

snack

low-fat Greek chocolate yogurt 2pts

dinner

chicken sausage with sauteed onions 7pts

exercise

treadmill 25 min

sit-ups - until Alex called me away...

Non-diet woes

OK - not life threatening but old houses can really make a person nutty. 

Bathtub improperly installed by dummy former owner, leaked into living room ceiling, all the way to basement, repairman caulked, etc, still leaking right into the middle of my living room.

Plumber came to fix broken shower faucets but brought wrong parts. Moved on to replacing broken dishwasher with new gleaming over-priced model, but upon opening new model found that it was dented.

Living room ceiling still has a 2 ft wide gaping hole as leak is not resolved. Faucets still don't work. Old dishwasher AND new dishwasher both in garage so now I have no dishwasher, but instead a gaping hole filled with live wires and mouse poop and all my cleaning poisons sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Front  handle on storm door has been fixed or replaced 7 times and still is not working, so it is sometimes impossible to leave or enter the house.

Old bathroom (not the one mentioned above) is moldy, probably leaking, toilet barely works, and sink smells funny.

And these are just the emergencies we're trying to take car of - we also need a new furnace - the old one will die any day I'm told, and the outside of the house is totally peeling and desperately needs repainting - we've become the house with the haunted-looking falling apart shutters.

Eating out challenges

This weekend was kind of lame. We ate out twice, which was sort of disasterous as I: a) ate too much and b) didn't really enjoy it and c) ended up feeling like a dieting failure. In addition, when I wasn't eating out, I was sticking to my given points allotments, and I was still pretty hungry. I thought I was past feeling hungry all the time. Not so successful - hungry and overeating. How is that possible???

So everyone knows that eating out is such a challenge when trying to diet. I save all my extra 35 "floater" points for any times I may eat out - and if we don't go out I don't use them at all. This weekend we went out twice, and I hope I didn't go over the limit. The first time was International Night at Natasha's school. I decided to let myself eat a bit or two each of the Portuguese chocolate cake, some undetermined country of origin incredibly rich banana cake, and some Japanese bean dumpling. All incredibly heavy, sweet, not full of whole fiber and definitely full of lots of fat and sugar. I'm sure I used half of my 35 points, and most of the food was not worth it (although that banana cake was fabulous).

The next day at the Chinese New Year parade in Chinatown, we ended up at a place where a man was making Chinese noodles in the window. They were heavy, greasy and lacking in the veggie accompaniment promised on the menu. Exactly 3 spears of broccoli in my veggie noodles. Of course I ended up eating a small plate of greasy white rice noodles. What is hard is that it's impossible to know how much oil was in the food - a lot - or exactly how much I was eating. This meal was kind of upsetting, in a neurotic anorexic kind of way. If I'm going to pig out at a restaurant or other event, I want to at least enjoy it, not be stuck with nothing else to eat but unhealthy food. This was partly bad ordering...but also kind of goes with the territory at a some restaurants - this particular one didn't have the "steamed" option that works well at most Chinese places. Anyway, due to my two mediocre meals, I'm sure I will not lose any weight this week. Oh well. At least I learned a lesson. Just because I'm at a restaurant, doesn't mean I should indulge. Sometimes the food is not worth it. Try SUPER hard to find low-fat items that won't bust the points limit with 5 bites of food.

I'm not doing a food log as now that it's Monday, I'm too confused and forgetful. I'll just state that most meals were similar to days past, and the two meals out were big and heavy but not outrageous. Probably a total of 23 points a day plus the 35 floater points at max. Not a good feeling!