Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Body Image Reversal

One time when Dave and I were first dating we went out with my much older cousin, his wife, and their two friends. These people had 5 kids (3 disabled) between them, and among the other warnings about parenthood was, "having kids ruins your figure." Now of course I found this whole evening terribly depressing. No travel, no money, no time....and irreversible body damage. Of course everything they said proved to be true. For the most part lately my complaints have been about overall size. But now that I'm even a tad smaller, my old issues of things not fitting well due to pear proportions is again an issue. And now my mid-section is so post-partum looking, even many years later (I have 2 quite disfiguring stretch marks incurred in my last 3 days of pregnancy with Alex). I know a little surgery would take care of both these issues, and if we were flush with extra cash I can't say it wouldn't be tempting. But as for now, I'm finding the prospect of losing weight only to be confronted with an almost 40 year old body, as opposed to a 30 year old body to be quite disheartening. The good part is that I'm more mature, less self-involved, and I know that worrying about one's body image is a luxury I don't really care to spend too much time on. My kids are healthy, my husband loves me, etc.

However, we all want to look at least somewhat attractive. The other day I pulled out some pictures of myself on a trip to Key West with Dave, just before we got engaged. I knew that was when I looked my best so I was going to use them as an incentive. I mean, a picture of a supermodel would just be silly. I will never look that way. But perhaps I could use my 26 year old self as a marker. Alex found the pictures and said, "Mommy, why did you make your tummy not like that any more?" I thought about permanent psychological damage for a second and then threw parental caution to the wind and said, "Because you got in it!" Not so nice. I also added sheepishly...and I don't exercise enough...and I eat too much. He giggled (guilt assuaged) and then thought some more and said, "I want you to put it back like that." Ahhh the innocence of children.

I'm growing bored with the food log. I'm keeping track on my iphone. I will note if I have trouble staying on target, but most days I do alright, and I tend to eat a lot of the same foods over and over. I would imagine this gets boring to read!


  1. Argh! The stretch marks. I know. The thought of wearing a bikini or - godforbid - a cropped top that shows my midriff makes me break out in hives. xo

  2. Sounding a bit depressing there. You're looking great. Keep it up. I can really see a difference.