Monday, February 9, 2009

Complete meltdown

Yesterday was such a low. The morning was ok. Since it was warm for the first time in a while, I exercised outside on the trail by our house - loving the fresh air and my podcast of Nigella Lawson and her sultry admissions about eating. I went speedwalking for 50 minutes with a constant concious effort not to drop my speed. I dutifully ate 12 appropriate points by lunch. Dave was out and I was alone with the kids - who were kind of bored. We went into Bethesda and had some fun. On the way home I had a banana and some strawberries that I had packed earlier.

Then the bottom fell out. At around 3:30 I was so hungry, weak and sad about never being able to eat anything really good that I was in a severe funk. I sent the kids down to watch tv on a beautiful day because I was so weary that all I wanted to do was lie in bed. I called my unofficial WW sponsor but she didn't answer her cell phone and like a dummy I didn't call her home number. I texted many friends, none of whom replied. I was getting hungrier and weaker. I should have just eaten something substantial, but that seemed like such an admission of failure. I was so demoralized. I ate 100 carrots and celery sticks with a non-fat yogurt/mustard dip. It did nothing. I forced myself to stay in my bedroom watching Sunday talk show reruns about our current fiscal crisis. Even this didn't get my mind off eating something really rich and indulgent.

At 5:25 I went downstairs to make dinner - turkey hot dogs on whole wheat buns - kind of a treat and only 5 points for a big hot dog plus bun. I also had some soup and pickles. I ate about the right amount of points, but was probably a little over 21. I was so bummed out and feeling deprived, even though I had just eaten a hot dog!

A little while later I realized a two mistakes in my point calculations...
  1. I did more exercise yesterday than usual, and it was the kind that makes me hungry. The speed walking was more calorie-burning than I realized, I guess - it's not nearly as taxing as the 15 min of hard core stairs I usually do, but it was 50 minutes not 15. I try not to eat my extra exercise points, but in the case of my long speed-walks, that's just not possible.
  2. I save my 35 floater points for going to restaurants on the weekend and this weekend we didn't go out. So by Sunday afternoon, I was just sad at not having had a little break from counting, and some pure food enjoyment. I had kind of forgotten about this on Sunday during my meltdown.

Once I realized this I decided to pig out a bit on the girlscout cookies that had been serendipitously delivered a to my house a couple of hours earlier by a little cutie from around the corner. After that I was MUCH HAPPIER!!!
I guess the lesson is two-fold. First of all, I should know by now not to ignore that weak-feeling hunger. How dumb am I that I can't manage feelings that a newborn has complete mastery over?? Second of all - I need a eating-out treat at least once a weekend. My whole family is in agreement on this so it shouldn't be too hard to make this a priority.
Food log
It's kind of a blur and too painful to relive - let's just say it was probably around 29 points, with 3 points off for exercise.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry about this bad day! I've been there too.